1st anniversary

Disclaimer: Nothing written in this post is intended to give the impression that "my marriage is so great," or "I am so insightful, smart and a marriage guru," or that "I know everthing." These are just some of my thoughts as I relfect on a year of marriage and how lucky I am to have Julie.

Last year, at this time, I was getting ready to get married. I often hear that the first few years, especially the first year, of marriage are very difficult for many couples. That hasn't been the case for me. This last year has been the best year of my life by far! I can't speak for Julie (well, some pastors say that I can, but I won't), but I think we both have had just about the best year of our lives. I have some theories, or reasons, why I think this might be so for us.

Reason 1: Julie and I knew each other for a long time before we got married. As a result, we didn't have very many of those "I can't believe you do that!" moments that many newlwed couples seem to have. For the most part, I knew the few things about Julie that get under my skin long before we ever took the plunge, and she knew the things about me. I think its safe to say, that I get the better end of the stick on that one. I am infinately more disgusting, obnoxious, and annoying that she is. So we both had reasonably accurate expectations for what living together would be like.
Plus, we knew each other through more that one major life transition. So we had a better understanding of the things about each other that were temporary, and the things that would stay the same over time.

Reason 2: We spent a lot of time talking about our core values and the things that are most important to us when we were dating. This was very important to me because I don't only love on an emotional level. For me, love is also an intellectual task. I need to feel intellecually connected to someone to feel a deep love for that person. I also need to know my lover's mind to be able to think about how I should act to best love that person.
This was helpful, because we didn't wake up the day after our wedding and realize that our occupational goals, religious beliefs/moral values, and/or family expectation were in conflict or incompatible. It seems odd to me, but, from both personal experience and the research I've read, many couples apperently have exactly this problem. They become infatuated with one another, get married fairly quickly, and leave their compatibility up to chance.

Reason 3: We went through a lot of our struggles while we were dating. I'm not saying we planned it this way, or even that it was good. It sucked, and I wish much of it hadn't had to happen. At some point, we had to decide if things would always be difficult between us, or if we had worked it out and come through some things. Obviously, we decided the latter, and I strongly believe we were right. I guess the silver lining is that the last year has been great.

One of the gifts I got Julie for our anniversary was a sponsorship of KVPR. We both really like public radio, and Julie especially likes Car Talk. She even gets a Car Talk mug out of the deal. This is also an inside joke because Car Talk settled one of the first disagreements we had after we were married.
I had promised Julie that I would get her oil changed, but hadn't done it because she had only gone 3k miles on her last oil change. One day, she got really mad that I hadn't done it yet, and it started this arguement... er... spirited discussion: (this is not verbatim, but is true in the actual information cited by and the intended meanings of the parties unvolved)

Julie: "My car is nice and new , and I want it to get the best possible care. The oil needs to be changed every three thousand miles. Why haven't you done this yet?" (notice how it implies that my car is a POS. It is a POS, but thats not the point)

Me: "Well, even your users manual says that the oil needs to be changed no more often than 4k miles, and many experts feel you can go 6 to 10k. I subscribe to the 7500 mile mark that I have often seen."

Anyway, we compromised on me doing what she says to do when she says to do it, and I took her car to get the oil changed. A few weeks passed and I happened to see an article writen by the guys on Car Talk while flipping through the newspaper. To understand this story, you need to know that Julie takes what these guys say as gospel. The story happened to be about how often to get the oil changed, and they recommended....
...
Dramatic pause....
...
7500 miles! I was right! You were wrong! In your face! HA HA HA!
Thats what I thought, not what I said.
After a few hours of composing myself (I needed every minute of it), I humbly showed her the article and we came to an agreement as a couple on the 7500 mile oil change philosaphy. We also came to the agreement, though its not always recognised, that I am always right!