College Football

College football couldn't have come soon enough this year. Seriously, my sanity was hanging by a thread. I guess I never realized the place football has in our society until this year when so many things in my life are upended. Now don't get me wrong, I am insanely passionate about the game of football(see this post), but this year I was impacted not so much by the game itself, but by the place it has in our society.
Somehow, football has become America's new passtime. Just like baseball used to be associated in everyones mind with school getting out, summer days by the pool, 4th of july parties, and sneaking in a few more playoff games before the weather turns cold, so now, it seems, we associate football with the weather turning cooler, the leaves turning color, great fall comfort foods, staying warm indoors with family, thanksgiving, and an overall sense of home and family. Even my wife who doesn't really know much about the game of football commented to me the other day that "when you have the game on it just feels homey in here."
Now, I don't think that football has done something right, and baseball has done something wrong-- Errrr... Well, lets say football hasn't totally screwed itself the way baseball has. That said, I feel much of this shift in national attitude comes from national shifts in population. As our population shifts dramatically from northern to southern latitudes, our national attitude about the seasons changes. No longer do the majority of us celebrate summer as the time when it finally is warm enough to go outside with a tshirt on. Instead, many of us now dread the terrible heat of the summer and look forward to celebrating the end of our misery, fall. And football is lucky enough to be the game that begins just as the miserable heat's grip begins to weaken.
But whatever the reason, football, especially college football, came just in time to save my sanity this year.

Updates

I have updated some of my links and will be trying to update more as time permits in the coming weeks. Heather started off right with a nice pic of JLH! She clearly knows how to get my attention.

How to...

Since I know that I am the happiest, most successful person you know, I thought I should share with you some of the secrets to my success. You see, the key to being happy and getting everything you want in life is in the things you value. If you value the same things as me, you are on your way...
Things I value:

1. Investing Wisely

Just bought this yesterday










2. Celebrating Diversity

These may all be bottled in the US, but they represent international flavor.
Mexico...
United States...
Brazil...
Czech Republic



3. Creativity and Invention

Julie has invented a cake made out of brownies

Well... I guesss thats all I've got. I thought there might be more, but I was wrong. Oh, well. Now you can get started on the road to being just as happy and successful as I am. And no more so!

Got Gas?

I got gas yesterday for $2.99 / gallon. I couldn't remember the last time I paid less than $3. It has to have been at least 6 months. What is everyone else paying for gas these days?

Are two heads better than one?

"If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell"
-Matthew 5:29-30

An Indian man born with two penises wants to get one of them removed so that he can marry, a report said Saturday. Why would he have to get one removed so that he could marry? Did one of them want a different girl or something? If God gives you a gift like that, you shouldn't have to remove one. Instead, you should be allowed 2 wives. If I ruled a country, polygamy would be banned, with one exception. A man ought to only have one wife for every fully operational phallus.

Of course I am totally joking. Two penises would be a terrible curse. Imagine how hard adolescence was for him. Oops, poor choice of words. One the plus side, he could probably put out two separate small fires at the same time, so he had that going for him. But seriously, you know you really love someone when you are going to have a penis removed for them. Although, your perspective might be different if you had a spare.

I'm actually trying to set the new world record for number of times the word "penis" appears on a posting that begins with a bible verse.

Feeling Animalistic

Two animal pictures that seem to capture how I feel today

Earlier today:
"Don't disturb me today... I don't feel good and I just got comfortable. Haven't I put up with enough of your crap this week?"



Now:
"That cake Julie is making sure smells tasty."

money, money, money, money... money

If you are like me, you are short, blue-eyed, typing on your computer, and you have a headache right now. You also may find it interesting to think about the complex interconnectedness of money and politics in this country. On that front, I have recently run across a treasure-trove of fascinating data.

For example: did you know that there was one lonely person in the bakersfield area who donated $200 dollars to Al Sharpton for the last presidential primary (I am assuming it was one person since he only recieved 200 and that is both the maximum single donation, and the most common ammount donated).

Or go to the person look-up type section and find out who MLB commissioner Bud (Allan) Selig gave money to.

Quick Update

So, Julie and I are going to the beach this weekend. Too tired and in too much of a hurry to write something about myself, so here is another video.

Butter Off Dead

Well, I had a busy first half of the week in Fresno and now I am having a busy second half at home in bakersfield.

On a side note, it has come to my attention that my blog doesn't have nearly enough of two key elements. Element one: Amish. Element two: violence. I will try to remedy both right now. Please watch the following video:



Hilarious!

An Open Letter

This is an open letter to whoever reads this about my life and my thoughts right now. I promise I will try to go back to being "not funny" very soon:

It looks like I will be spending some time in Fresno this week. My family is going through some stuff right now, and I need to be there for them. I should be there for at least a few days starting on monday. This is the first time since we have been married that I have gone somewhere and left Julie at home for any more than an overnight fishing trip. She wanted to come with me, but I really feel like she needs to stay here to work and hold down the fort. She has already taken one day off for my family last week, and I feel like taking any more might be pushing it with her work situation. Its not like we haven't been apart. She has been gone on business trips for a week or more at least 3 times, but this time feels different since I am the one who is leaving.

I guess I feel a little guilty. I am leaving my wife home alone, and am leaving her family when things are pretty busy on the farm. But I know this is the right thing to do. My family really needs me right now and that is the most important thing. This is just a microcosm of the major issues in my larger life. If I had to reduce it down to its simplest form it would be this: I try really hard. I try to be the best husband, friend, son, brother, citizen I can be. I try love and honor my wife's family every single day, which includes trying to be the best worker I can be. I try to be fair, just and compassionate in everything I do. I try to live in a way that doesn't cause harm to others. I try to make the world a better place. You might laugh and call me an ideologue, but those are really the things I think about trying to do every day.

The thing is, I'm pretty sure that I totally fail at most of those things about 99% of the time. And I'm ok with that. I know that none of us can be perfect, or even close to perfect. You see, my personal "goodness" isn't important to me out of some sense of ego, perfection, self-righteousness, or other self-focused attitude. Ghandi said that one ought to be the change he/she wants to see in the world. Thats why I try. I guess a different way of putting it would be to say that "I try hard to do right by the people around me." It would be nice if I felt like I was successful once in a while.

Well, all of that to explain how today I got the best compliment of my life. I tell you this next part, not to toot my own horn, but to share with you something that deeply touched me. Today I took my wife to get coffee at 6 am before going to the hospital to see how my brother weathered the night. I was totally stressed and worried about him, my mom, work, life, world peace, aids in africa... you get the picture. I was driving in silence thinking about all these things with a furrowed brow, when Julie looked over at me with a smile and said with total sincerity and no agenda, "You are a good man."

Wow! I care what she thinks more than any person in the whole world. And I can't think of something that she could say to me that would mean as much. She's never said it to me before, and I don't know why she said it, but it made me feel as proud as I ever have and as humbled as I ever have at the same time. I don't know how that happens, but it did. That may be the high point of my life. I hope that you all someday have someone who means everything to you say something like that.
--Dana

More Pics

This weekend we went to the wedding of our friends Mike & Anna. It was fun.

When I saw this bottle, I knew a good time would be had by all. I told them they should hire bodybuilders to poor drinks for everybody, but now I think it would have been funnier to have a small crane lift and poor the bottle.


Look at the pipes on that one.


Henna for Anna


I know this has nothing to do with the wedding, but come on people... My wife is wearing boots and standing out in a corn field. What? Did my friends suddenly stop being mean? I know that can't be true. No one has even made one insulting comment about our hickish, redneck lifestyle.

Well, well, well... so much for my resolution to be a better blogger. Life has really been kicking me in the ass the last couple of weeks, and it doesn't look like it will get much better any time soon. Some random things that have been happening in my life:

-Tomorrow we start picking table grapes. It can be a stressful time. Hopefully, everything goes well.

-I hurt my back a few weeks back, and it was getting progressively worse. I am feeling a little better, though, and I hope that a weekend off the tractor/heavy lifting has done me some good.

-Julie is still great!
This is Julie shucking corn on the 4th of July... Let the jokes begin!

-We were glad to get a chance to see the next great left-handed knuckleballer. Its sad, but he already has more hair and a better tan than his dad. He also already has a bigger ....er.... my wife is hitting me in the back of my head right now! Go shuck some corn or something and let me write what I want.

-Julie and I are tentatively planning to take a little midweek trip to fresno on tues night/wednesday. The intent is to spend some time with my family, but we would love to have coffee or a drink with any fresno people who still care about us.

I thought i would leave you with this really cool picture of a flower that Julie took the other day.


The song I just happen to be listening to right now: Church Clothes by Matt Nathanson

Pictures worth a thousand words?

Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately. Its hot, I'm tired... typical midsummer depression. Julie and I spent some time out on the farm on saturday. Here are some pictures she took.
Here are some grapes that I spend a lot of time with

A nice pic of some blooming Hyacinth and other water plants growing in one of the farm ponds.

Here I am looking totally lame by trying not to get sunburnt
while fishing on the farm ponds.

I will try to take some pictures of our 4th of July party and post them later this week.

Internet Video That Isn't a Sin

Thank goodness someone is as totally obsessed with youtube/ifilm/googlevideo etc. as I am. Check out the Sports Guys YouTube Hall of Fame.

Here is a different link to the video from my last post. I guess some people were having some trouble with that one.

Stupid Person of the Day

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have recently been exploring the idea of starting a peroidic installment of my blog called STUPID PERSON OF THE DAY. Well, today I saw something that sealed the deal. Installment 1:

Stupid Person of the Day




Why is it that CHRISTian politicians never want to put the words of Christ up in public spaces. I would think that something Christ actually said (like the Sermon on the Mount for example) would be at least as important, if not more important, to a follower of Christ than the 10 Commandments. Then again, if you don't know much about either the 10 commandment or the words of Jesus, why would you put you name on a piece of legislation mandating that we put them in public buildings?

Watch out! You may be my next Installment. Or will I be?

US v. Italia

As I'm sure none of you know (except Ed), the US played a world cup match against Italy today. I just finished watching the game and wanted to share with you some of my reflections.


Here are 5 reasons you can like the US Soccer Team:

1. They generally don't beat their wives, take drugs, ride up to the game in their Escalades, hold out for a contract that pays 43 million instead of 42, or take steroids.

2. They don't play soccer for the money or fame. They love the game and so do I. That means I have something in common with US soccer players that I don't feel I have in common with other pro athletes. I honestly don't believe that pro football or baseball players love the game as much as I do. But these soccer guys play it because they love it, and when you hear them talk about it, you can hear the reverence they have for the sport in the voices.

3. They play with heart. If you don't follow international soccer, there is one thing you MUST know to accurately understand the World Cup as it pertains to the US team: the deck is stacked against them! Big Time! We all know that they aren't known as the best players in the world, but if they do poorly, its not because of lack of talent. The whole thing is totally riggged by every other country in the world to make it as difficult as possible for the US to win.
"Why would they do this?"
News flash: Pretty much everyone hates us. Europe and the Middle East hate us for our recent foreign policy. Latin America hate us for our economic policy. And the Far East hates everyone.
Plus, we are pretty much the best at every other major sport, and the world is determined not to let us have this last one. Trust me. This is not a consiracy theory, this is reality. All this to show why the world has totally rigged the whole World Cup against the US. From qualification, to seeding, to scheduling, to referees.
But these players never seem to give up. The worse it gets, the harder they play. I just watched the US play to a draw againts one of the best teams in the world while being blatantly screwed by the referees. These guys have heart.

4. Unlike most professional athletes, these guys are pretty intelligent and well-spoken. The US goalie speaks 3 languages. He recently answered questions in a press conference in fluent Spanish, then German, before returning to english.

5. Brian McBride. This veteran player is tough, smart and motivated. He recently led his Premier League Team, Fulham, in scoring and was voted by the other players as their MVP (I believe this is the first time an american has had that honor in league). He has had some brutal injuries that would have ended the career of most players. I believe he has had his cheek broken twice, and I'm sure some of you saw the injury that he suffered in the game today. Pain doesn't seem to faze this guy. It was like, close that huge gash on my face as fast as you can so I can get back in this game. I was a huge McBride fan before today, but now his greatness in my mind is almost mythical. Let me put it this way: If I had to go into battle with 3 guys: my brother, my high school football coach, and Brian McBride. There are certain people in the world who, when you look at their eyes, show the determination needed to get any job done. McBride has that look, and his play backs it up.

Male Anatomy as a Metaphor

My wife just said the funniest thing I've ever heard come out of her mouth...

Everyone who knows her beware! She just said:

"I just want to tell people to sack-up all the time!"

I spent the next five minutes rolling on the floor laughing. I can totally see Julie's grandma saying the exact same thing if she knew that expression and weren't bothered by the obscenity.

Julie's vulgarity-laden righteous indignation is so freaking hilarious that it might kill me!

World Cup Fever

Sorry for being a bad little blogger lately... I have been working alot the past few weeks. Congrats to Jimmie for successfully getting a girl to sleep with him at least enough times to make this cute little guy.

And now the World Cup has started. I am glad that ABC/ESPN are broadcasting all the games this year, even if I won't see all of them. The last world cup was in Korea/Japan which meant that all of the games were on at like 2am here because of the time difference. I was in college then, and it was summer break, so I stayed up late or got up early to watch as many games as possible. I guess I won't have to do that this time.
The US team plays their first game tomorrow against the Czech Republic at 9 am. My great grandparents came from the Czech Republic, and my grandfather went back there to visit some relatives after the country emerged from communism in the 90's. Perhaps I will break out my bottle of Slivovitz (a plum brandy brewed there) and have a few sips while I watch the US win, or a few swigs if they are losing.
I will be working, so I plan to tape it and watch it tomorrow night. That means I will be going on a total media blackout tomorrow. No tv, internet, or radio all day until I watch that game. Please, do not call me, text me or (if you see me) tell me anthing about the game.
Here's some highlights from the US team's qualifying run to get you pumped up for tomorrow's game. My favorite part is Oguchi Onyewu manhandling the Mexico players. Only someone on that team would be arrogant/stupid enough to get in the face of a guy who's 6'4'' 240lbs.

Mmmm Pie Pants....

I had to work today, so Julie made me a pie...