Back in the kick of things

I just did the smartest thing I've ever done in my life. I ordered the upgraded sports pack with directTV. Now I get about 30 sports channels including most of the regional Fox Sports channels, and more importantly Fox Soccer Channel. I have already instructed my DVR to record all Premiership games that come on. This moring I watched Fulham (one of my current favorites to watch) play some tough football to gain a draw against a slumping Chelsea in west London. Its huge for Fulham to get a point on the road at one of the best clubs, and its a huge dissapointment for Chelsea to only get one and lose more ground to Man U. Best of all, I watched it on my DVR so I could fast forward through breaks in the action, set ups on corners, etc. I only hope that I have enough time to keep up with the EPL as much as possible this year.

Will it blend?

have you ever looked at something and thought "I wonder what would happen if I put that in a $825 blender"? Stop what you are doing and go straight to willitblend.com Click on "Don't try this at home," and watch in amazement.

Wireless Blogging

Thanks to my new Macbook Pro Laptop and my brother getting me the new Verizon Wireless Broadband express card, I am now back on the internet. I never thought I would be blogging totally wireless, but I am doing it right now. I feel like a time traveller living in the not so distant future. I know that wireless internet has existed for quite some time, but the speed (or lack thereof) didn't seem practical to me. This new express card is even faster than I thought it would be. Don't get me wrong, Cable broadband is still much faster, but this remarkably close. Now, for all you know, I am writing this anywhere. In my car... in the back yard.. on the toilet... wherever. Just thought I would share my joy with you all.

Happy Christmas Eve

Merry almost Christmas. This has been an exciting week. It was good to see Jimmie and Christina with their son, Dillon. They were nice enough to make time to come by our new place this weekend. Our other exciting news is that we got a new dog.

His name is Koda, and he is a 13 month old aussie-border collie mix. He stays with me all day on the farm, and then follows Julie around the house all night. Later in the evening, he likes to sit at my feet with his bone while I watch TV. Needless to say, we have already gotten very close to him.
Anyway, hope everyone has a very good holiday. I hope to see some of you in Bakersfield on wednesday.

Christmas time update

Ok, ok... so I' back -- sort of. I still don't have internet at home yet, but I am resolute to start blogging regularly again. The move has been good. Looking forward to Christmas. I now have DirectTV. Want to get more channels on that. Hoping to order those soon. I am excited that Simpsons Season 9 is on DVD now. Got it yesterday but haven't watched any yet. Hope all is well with all of you.

I wish peace and joy for everyone this holiday season and for all time!

What is wrong with the American heart?

Our new home passed final inspection and now we can move in. There is still so much work to do and I am exhausted; I honestly cannot comprehend how it will all get done in the next few days. I know it will, though. Posts might be sketchy for the next week while I get moved. Here's something interesting to think about in the interim:

Thursday is the final inspection for our new place. Hopefully, that means we will be in our new home tomorrow night and moving our stuff in on Saturday. Julie gave our 30 days notice to our landlord today. I can't wait for it all to be over. I have been working myself sick (literally) on the house for at least the last month and we have been waiting for this for almost a year. Note to self: call satelite company tomorrow... must have cable TV as soon as possible!

Toot my own horn

For those of you keeping score at home, my weekend predictions can be scored as follows: NFL games: 2 for 2, Freakish Natural Disasters 0 for 1. It seems Dallas didn't implode as anticipated. Oh well, I can always hope for next week.

Turkey lurkey do

Well, our new home in almost done, and I have been doing alot of work myself this last couple of weeks. By the end of the day, I don't even have enough strength in my arms to blog. Yes -- its very sad. Hope to have some pictures up as soon as I can take them. I am very optimistic that the final inspection will happen next week, and hopefully we can move next saturday. This stupid long weekend is causing a frustrating delay right at the end for us. Which makes me think...

Why do we celebrate thanksgiving on a thursday? It seems odd. Some people have to go back to work on friday, and others get a weekend that is, frankly, too long. I understand that this will never change now that friday has become such an important retail day, but I don't think that was originally the case. So does anyone know the original reasoning behind thanksgiving on thursday?

Thanksgiving Football Predictions:
Miami at Detroit
Even Miami can score on Detroits defense, and Detroit can't score on Miami's offense. The only way Detroit gets a touchdown is on a defensive turnover. Its already clear that neither of these teams even has a chance at the playoffs, so who cares. Sleep in and skip this 9:30 game. If you insist on watching, I think taking Miami -3 is a pretty safe bet.

Tampa Bay at Dallas
Of course, the game isn't really "at dallas", since Texas stadium isn't in Dallas. My bold prediction: A freak Texas earthquake implodes Dallas Stadium. Most people escape unharmed. Some minor injuries. Most notably, TO's throat gets hit by falling debris, and his vocal chords must be removed. He can never talk again. Tragically, he hasn't the intelligence to learn sign language, and in a stroke of poetic irony he must spend the rest of his life communicating through interpretive dance.
In addition, his huge contract makes the amount the Cowboys must pay him in workers compensation astronomical. The organization is forced to fold. The Dallas cowboys are no more. Jerry Jones is broke and marries Al Davis for his money. Together they spawn the darkest supervillain the world has ever known.

Denver at Kansas City
This is the night game and, after the tragic events earlier in the day in Dallas, the NFL cancels this game out of respect. Lucky for me, cause this one is tough to call.
Don't worry, by next week they will be saying how the show must go on and the victims would have wanted them to play again as soon as possible. Ok, if I'm wrong and Texas isn't freakishly wiped off the map, KC will roll over the Broncos. I predict they win by at least a touchdown, unless there is bad weather. If the weather is bad, this game could come down to a last minute field goal.

Going to fresno for a couple days while my brother has surgery...

Well, its that time of year again... I have to make a wish list for my birthday/Christmas. I never used to do this -- at least not since I was about 8 years old, but Julie's family has this tradition where everyone makes Christmas lists. Why do I always find it such a terribly difficult task? I have been sitting at the computer for about 2 hours and have only added 1 item to my list. I thought that tossing back a couple of beers would make the task easier. No such luck. Its just making it harder to read. Andw evem harber to typeee;

Personal Updates & Political Rants

Well, I know I haven't posted in a while... I have been very busy. We are working hard on getting our new place finished. I am very optimistic that we may be able to move within a month. I almost got a new (used) truck, but the deal fell through.

I don't know about anyone else, but I don't want to hear another political ad ever again. I don't know how it is elsewhere, but some of the races have gotten as nasty as I have ever seen in bakersfield. Here's what I don't understand: if your 30 percentage points behind the incumbent, why would you sling mud? I can understand a certain amount of mud slinging if its a close race, but if you clearly are going to lose, the only reason to go negative is out of malice.

I'm also sick of hearing about how the Dems are going to take back the house. Not that I don't want them to. I am one of the crazy few who believes that our government works best when neither party holds both the presidency and congress. I feel that this usually leads to the most moderate and reasonable governance. Prediction: The Dems won't take back the house. Sorry, but 15 seats are alot. I just don't think they will get more than about 13. I hope I'm wrong, but thats my prediction. Most of the media polls are looking at overall national sentiment, but you have to look at each individual race. Republicans still have much better voter turnout strategies than Dems.

Whatever happens, I hope that this election brings the country together, rather than polarizing it further. Everyone has their own opinion about the president, but the thing that I will remember most about this presidency is how it divided the nation. Think back with me to 2000... its almost hard to remember, but Bush used to have the reputation as a uniter. People were saying that in the White House, he would embrace bipartisanship and bring the nation together to get things done. If you know someone who said this (I can think of more than one person right now), call them right this second, tell them they are an idiot, and just hang up.

On 9/11 America rallied around the President as it always does in times of crisis. His approval ratings were the highest of any president ever (over 90%). Now, some polls are showing his approval ratings in the upper 30 percent range, and it seems that partisan hostility is at an all time high. Its hard for me to believe that anyone else in his position could have caused more division in the last 6 years.

I hear alot of hopes and fears when people talk about the upcoming election. Hope that a regime change might be enough to bring troops home from Iraq. Fears that a liberal Speaker of the house from California might set a legislative agenda to burn bibles and outlaw all marriages except gay marriages. It think both are obviosly rediculous. My hope is that everyone living in the United States will start seeing people as their neighbors, and stop seeing them as democrat or republican (or, God forbid, an illegal alien). That those in government will spend less time and energy playing hardball to push through their agenda, and spend more time meeting about an agenda we all can get behind. My fear is that everything will stay the same.

Went to the 49er game this weekend. Had fun. Here's a pic.



I want to make it clear that we aren't one of those people who walk all the way up front to take a picture and look like we have good seats. these are actually our seats. I feel there should be a rule that you must take a picture of yourself from where you actually sat at the ballgame. It helps to convey your actual game experience more accurately.

What a difference a week makes

Last week, I left town and it was 95 degrees. When I got back yesterday it was 65 degrees. What a difference a week makes. Julie and I went to Clear Lake for vacation last week. For those of you who are stupid, here's some info on Clear lake. Anyway, I had some pics from the trip that I wanted to post, so I decided to start a new Flickr account. I will still be posting pics on the blog, but if you want to see the stuff that doesn't make the cut or is too random to explain, check us out on flickr. i will also be adding a link on my sidebar. I hope some of you click through and check out the pics from our vacation.

New Car, Just not for me...

Went to Fresno this weekend to see my brother's new car. He got an '06 Mazda Rx 8 Shinka. According to my research, this car was the Car and Driver best pick for the sport coup class. I have to admit that initially I wasn't to sure about him getting this new car, but having seen it, I am very impressed. It handles like I imagine an open-wheel racecar must handle. Perhaps the most distinctive thing about the car is that it has a rotary engine. Thats right no pistons driving this baby! This amazing little 1.3 liter rotary engine puts out the horses of a big V-8 with much less weight and bulk. I am amazed!

Heres some more info on the rotary engine in this car:
Renesis Rotary Engine

Forty years of rotary-engine racing success went into the design of the RX-8’s advanced RENESIS (Rotary Engine genesis – or rebirth of the rotary engine) engine. Incorporating many elements that made the RX-7 the most successful model in International Motor Sports Association (IMSA) history and brought Mazda the 1991 24-Hours of Le Mans overall win, the RENESIS engine is exceptionally well-built and capable. This racing pedigree is evident through the various motorsports series employing the RX-8, including Pro Formula Mazda and the Grand Am Cup.

By turning a triangular rotor in a cocoon-shaped combustion chamber, the RX-8’s rotary engine efficiently performs the four processes of intake, compression, combustion and exhaust. The RENESIS engine is remarkably smooth and high revving — all the way to 9000 rpm — and offers a smaller engine footprint than traditional internal combustion engines (some 60 percent smaller than a comparably powered V-6, and 40 percent smaller than a four-cylinder).

Improving upon 40 years of rotary designs, the RENESIS engine boasts side intake and exhaust ports with nearly 30 percent more intake area and twice as much exhaust area than previous rotary engines. The efficiencies gained through larger intake and exhaust ports exclude the need for forced induction, a feature found on the last rotary-powered sports car from Mazda, the vaunted third generation RX-7.

The RX-8’s normally aspirated 1.3-liter engine might appear diminutive to the untrained eye when compared to large-displacement V-8s or heavyweight V-10s or V-12s. However, through the incredible efficiencies of a rotary powerplant, an advanced three-stage intake system and an electronic throttle, the RENESIS engine delivers smooth, linear power on a grand scale.

The RX-8 benefits from placing the powerplant low and far back in the engine bay in what Mazda calls an advanced front-midship layout, which lowers the center of gravity and improves vehicle balance. In addition, the fuel tank is placed ahead of the rear axle, and all seating is within the wheelbase and track of the car. Combined, these factors contribute to a perfect 50/50 vehicle weight distribution, low yaw-inertia movement and superb handling characteristics. With such excellent balance, it is little wonder the RX-8 feels right at home on even the most challenging race tracks or negotiating a tight freeway onramp.

(From rssportscars.com)

I am deeply concerned...

a very sad story

This is what our country is doing, and I'm not trying to say it is right or wrong, but it is happening right now.

Just thought some of you might want to know, since the mainstream media doesn't seem to want to report it. I know most americans are more concerned about the controversy over the recent Oregon-Oklahoma football game, but this story haunts my thoughts. I understand that there are complicated issues involved and I'm not trying to be preachy (I don't really even have a side on the issue), but the thought that my country would do this to an innocent person deeply troubles me.

Sometimes the problems of the world seem so great that they are insurmountable. But if we really are the greatest nation in the world, surely we can win the war against terror without doing things like this.

"You become a monster so the monster will not break you."

Holding on

Julie holding a nice fish she caught this weekend (left)

Julie holding her new nephew, Ryan (bottom)

Here's a clip of the Sports Guy on my wife's favorite show.

College Football

College football couldn't have come soon enough this year. Seriously, my sanity was hanging by a thread. I guess I never realized the place football has in our society until this year when so many things in my life are upended. Now don't get me wrong, I am insanely passionate about the game of football(see this post), but this year I was impacted not so much by the game itself, but by the place it has in our society.
Somehow, football has become America's new passtime. Just like baseball used to be associated in everyones mind with school getting out, summer days by the pool, 4th of july parties, and sneaking in a few more playoff games before the weather turns cold, so now, it seems, we associate football with the weather turning cooler, the leaves turning color, great fall comfort foods, staying warm indoors with family, thanksgiving, and an overall sense of home and family. Even my wife who doesn't really know much about the game of football commented to me the other day that "when you have the game on it just feels homey in here."
Now, I don't think that football has done something right, and baseball has done something wrong-- Errrr... Well, lets say football hasn't totally screwed itself the way baseball has. That said, I feel much of this shift in national attitude comes from national shifts in population. As our population shifts dramatically from northern to southern latitudes, our national attitude about the seasons changes. No longer do the majority of us celebrate summer as the time when it finally is warm enough to go outside with a tshirt on. Instead, many of us now dread the terrible heat of the summer and look forward to celebrating the end of our misery, fall. And football is lucky enough to be the game that begins just as the miserable heat's grip begins to weaken.
But whatever the reason, football, especially college football, came just in time to save my sanity this year.

Updates

I have updated some of my links and will be trying to update more as time permits in the coming weeks. Heather started off right with a nice pic of JLH! She clearly knows how to get my attention.

How to...

Since I know that I am the happiest, most successful person you know, I thought I should share with you some of the secrets to my success. You see, the key to being happy and getting everything you want in life is in the things you value. If you value the same things as me, you are on your way...
Things I value:

1. Investing Wisely

Just bought this yesterday










2. Celebrating Diversity

These may all be bottled in the US, but they represent international flavor.
Mexico...
United States...
Brazil...
Czech Republic



3. Creativity and Invention

Julie has invented a cake made out of brownies

Well... I guesss thats all I've got. I thought there might be more, but I was wrong. Oh, well. Now you can get started on the road to being just as happy and successful as I am. And no more so!

Got Gas?

I got gas yesterday for $2.99 / gallon. I couldn't remember the last time I paid less than $3. It has to have been at least 6 months. What is everyone else paying for gas these days?

Are two heads better than one?

"If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell"
-Matthew 5:29-30

An Indian man born with two penises wants to get one of them removed so that he can marry, a report said Saturday. Why would he have to get one removed so that he could marry? Did one of them want a different girl or something? If God gives you a gift like that, you shouldn't have to remove one. Instead, you should be allowed 2 wives. If I ruled a country, polygamy would be banned, with one exception. A man ought to only have one wife for every fully operational phallus.

Of course I am totally joking. Two penises would be a terrible curse. Imagine how hard adolescence was for him. Oops, poor choice of words. One the plus side, he could probably put out two separate small fires at the same time, so he had that going for him. But seriously, you know you really love someone when you are going to have a penis removed for them. Although, your perspective might be different if you had a spare.

I'm actually trying to set the new world record for number of times the word "penis" appears on a posting that begins with a bible verse.

Feeling Animalistic

Two animal pictures that seem to capture how I feel today

Earlier today:
"Don't disturb me today... I don't feel good and I just got comfortable. Haven't I put up with enough of your crap this week?"



Now:
"That cake Julie is making sure smells tasty."

money, money, money, money... money

If you are like me, you are short, blue-eyed, typing on your computer, and you have a headache right now. You also may find it interesting to think about the complex interconnectedness of money and politics in this country. On that front, I have recently run across a treasure-trove of fascinating data.

For example: did you know that there was one lonely person in the bakersfield area who donated $200 dollars to Al Sharpton for the last presidential primary (I am assuming it was one person since he only recieved 200 and that is both the maximum single donation, and the most common ammount donated).

Or go to the person look-up type section and find out who MLB commissioner Bud (Allan) Selig gave money to.

Quick Update

So, Julie and I are going to the beach this weekend. Too tired and in too much of a hurry to write something about myself, so here is another video.

Butter Off Dead

Well, I had a busy first half of the week in Fresno and now I am having a busy second half at home in bakersfield.

On a side note, it has come to my attention that my blog doesn't have nearly enough of two key elements. Element one: Amish. Element two: violence. I will try to remedy both right now. Please watch the following video:



Hilarious!

An Open Letter

This is an open letter to whoever reads this about my life and my thoughts right now. I promise I will try to go back to being "not funny" very soon:

It looks like I will be spending some time in Fresno this week. My family is going through some stuff right now, and I need to be there for them. I should be there for at least a few days starting on monday. This is the first time since we have been married that I have gone somewhere and left Julie at home for any more than an overnight fishing trip. She wanted to come with me, but I really feel like she needs to stay here to work and hold down the fort. She has already taken one day off for my family last week, and I feel like taking any more might be pushing it with her work situation. Its not like we haven't been apart. She has been gone on business trips for a week or more at least 3 times, but this time feels different since I am the one who is leaving.

I guess I feel a little guilty. I am leaving my wife home alone, and am leaving her family when things are pretty busy on the farm. But I know this is the right thing to do. My family really needs me right now and that is the most important thing. This is just a microcosm of the major issues in my larger life. If I had to reduce it down to its simplest form it would be this: I try really hard. I try to be the best husband, friend, son, brother, citizen I can be. I try love and honor my wife's family every single day, which includes trying to be the best worker I can be. I try to be fair, just and compassionate in everything I do. I try to live in a way that doesn't cause harm to others. I try to make the world a better place. You might laugh and call me an ideologue, but those are really the things I think about trying to do every day.

The thing is, I'm pretty sure that I totally fail at most of those things about 99% of the time. And I'm ok with that. I know that none of us can be perfect, or even close to perfect. You see, my personal "goodness" isn't important to me out of some sense of ego, perfection, self-righteousness, or other self-focused attitude. Ghandi said that one ought to be the change he/she wants to see in the world. Thats why I try. I guess a different way of putting it would be to say that "I try hard to do right by the people around me." It would be nice if I felt like I was successful once in a while.

Well, all of that to explain how today I got the best compliment of my life. I tell you this next part, not to toot my own horn, but to share with you something that deeply touched me. Today I took my wife to get coffee at 6 am before going to the hospital to see how my brother weathered the night. I was totally stressed and worried about him, my mom, work, life, world peace, aids in africa... you get the picture. I was driving in silence thinking about all these things with a furrowed brow, when Julie looked over at me with a smile and said with total sincerity and no agenda, "You are a good man."

Wow! I care what she thinks more than any person in the whole world. And I can't think of something that she could say to me that would mean as much. She's never said it to me before, and I don't know why she said it, but it made me feel as proud as I ever have and as humbled as I ever have at the same time. I don't know how that happens, but it did. That may be the high point of my life. I hope that you all someday have someone who means everything to you say something like that.
--Dana

More Pics

This weekend we went to the wedding of our friends Mike & Anna. It was fun.

When I saw this bottle, I knew a good time would be had by all. I told them they should hire bodybuilders to poor drinks for everybody, but now I think it would have been funnier to have a small crane lift and poor the bottle.


Look at the pipes on that one.


Henna for Anna


I know this has nothing to do with the wedding, but come on people... My wife is wearing boots and standing out in a corn field. What? Did my friends suddenly stop being mean? I know that can't be true. No one has even made one insulting comment about our hickish, redneck lifestyle.

Well, well, well... so much for my resolution to be a better blogger. Life has really been kicking me in the ass the last couple of weeks, and it doesn't look like it will get much better any time soon. Some random things that have been happening in my life:

-Tomorrow we start picking table grapes. It can be a stressful time. Hopefully, everything goes well.

-I hurt my back a few weeks back, and it was getting progressively worse. I am feeling a little better, though, and I hope that a weekend off the tractor/heavy lifting has done me some good.

-Julie is still great!
This is Julie shucking corn on the 4th of July... Let the jokes begin!

-We were glad to get a chance to see the next great left-handed knuckleballer. Its sad, but he already has more hair and a better tan than his dad. He also already has a bigger ....er.... my wife is hitting me in the back of my head right now! Go shuck some corn or something and let me write what I want.

-Julie and I are tentatively planning to take a little midweek trip to fresno on tues night/wednesday. The intent is to spend some time with my family, but we would love to have coffee or a drink with any fresno people who still care about us.

I thought i would leave you with this really cool picture of a flower that Julie took the other day.


The song I just happen to be listening to right now: Church Clothes by Matt Nathanson

Pictures worth a thousand words?

Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately. Its hot, I'm tired... typical midsummer depression. Julie and I spent some time out on the farm on saturday. Here are some pictures she took.
Here are some grapes that I spend a lot of time with

A nice pic of some blooming Hyacinth and other water plants growing in one of the farm ponds.

Here I am looking totally lame by trying not to get sunburnt
while fishing on the farm ponds.

I will try to take some pictures of our 4th of July party and post them later this week.

Internet Video That Isn't a Sin

Thank goodness someone is as totally obsessed with youtube/ifilm/googlevideo etc. as I am. Check out the Sports Guys YouTube Hall of Fame.

Here is a different link to the video from my last post. I guess some people were having some trouble with that one.

Stupid Person of the Day

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have recently been exploring the idea of starting a peroidic installment of my blog called STUPID PERSON OF THE DAY. Well, today I saw something that sealed the deal. Installment 1:

Stupid Person of the Day




Why is it that CHRISTian politicians never want to put the words of Christ up in public spaces. I would think that something Christ actually said (like the Sermon on the Mount for example) would be at least as important, if not more important, to a follower of Christ than the 10 Commandments. Then again, if you don't know much about either the 10 commandment or the words of Jesus, why would you put you name on a piece of legislation mandating that we put them in public buildings?

Watch out! You may be my next Installment. Or will I be?

US v. Italia

As I'm sure none of you know (except Ed), the US played a world cup match against Italy today. I just finished watching the game and wanted to share with you some of my reflections.


Here are 5 reasons you can like the US Soccer Team:

1. They generally don't beat their wives, take drugs, ride up to the game in their Escalades, hold out for a contract that pays 43 million instead of 42, or take steroids.

2. They don't play soccer for the money or fame. They love the game and so do I. That means I have something in common with US soccer players that I don't feel I have in common with other pro athletes. I honestly don't believe that pro football or baseball players love the game as much as I do. But these soccer guys play it because they love it, and when you hear them talk about it, you can hear the reverence they have for the sport in the voices.

3. They play with heart. If you don't follow international soccer, there is one thing you MUST know to accurately understand the World Cup as it pertains to the US team: the deck is stacked against them! Big Time! We all know that they aren't known as the best players in the world, but if they do poorly, its not because of lack of talent. The whole thing is totally riggged by every other country in the world to make it as difficult as possible for the US to win.
"Why would they do this?"
News flash: Pretty much everyone hates us. Europe and the Middle East hate us for our recent foreign policy. Latin America hate us for our economic policy. And the Far East hates everyone.
Plus, we are pretty much the best at every other major sport, and the world is determined not to let us have this last one. Trust me. This is not a consiracy theory, this is reality. All this to show why the world has totally rigged the whole World Cup against the US. From qualification, to seeding, to scheduling, to referees.
But these players never seem to give up. The worse it gets, the harder they play. I just watched the US play to a draw againts one of the best teams in the world while being blatantly screwed by the referees. These guys have heart.

4. Unlike most professional athletes, these guys are pretty intelligent and well-spoken. The US goalie speaks 3 languages. He recently answered questions in a press conference in fluent Spanish, then German, before returning to english.

5. Brian McBride. This veteran player is tough, smart and motivated. He recently led his Premier League Team, Fulham, in scoring and was voted by the other players as their MVP (I believe this is the first time an american has had that honor in league). He has had some brutal injuries that would have ended the career of most players. I believe he has had his cheek broken twice, and I'm sure some of you saw the injury that he suffered in the game today. Pain doesn't seem to faze this guy. It was like, close that huge gash on my face as fast as you can so I can get back in this game. I was a huge McBride fan before today, but now his greatness in my mind is almost mythical. Let me put it this way: If I had to go into battle with 3 guys: my brother, my high school football coach, and Brian McBride. There are certain people in the world who, when you look at their eyes, show the determination needed to get any job done. McBride has that look, and his play backs it up.

Male Anatomy as a Metaphor

My wife just said the funniest thing I've ever heard come out of her mouth...

Everyone who knows her beware! She just said:

"I just want to tell people to sack-up all the time!"

I spent the next five minutes rolling on the floor laughing. I can totally see Julie's grandma saying the exact same thing if she knew that expression and weren't bothered by the obscenity.

Julie's vulgarity-laden righteous indignation is so freaking hilarious that it might kill me!

World Cup Fever

Sorry for being a bad little blogger lately... I have been working alot the past few weeks. Congrats to Jimmie for successfully getting a girl to sleep with him at least enough times to make this cute little guy.

And now the World Cup has started. I am glad that ABC/ESPN are broadcasting all the games this year, even if I won't see all of them. The last world cup was in Korea/Japan which meant that all of the games were on at like 2am here because of the time difference. I was in college then, and it was summer break, so I stayed up late or got up early to watch as many games as possible. I guess I won't have to do that this time.
The US team plays their first game tomorrow against the Czech Republic at 9 am. My great grandparents came from the Czech Republic, and my grandfather went back there to visit some relatives after the country emerged from communism in the 90's. Perhaps I will break out my bottle of Slivovitz (a plum brandy brewed there) and have a few sips while I watch the US win, or a few swigs if they are losing.
I will be working, so I plan to tape it and watch it tomorrow night. That means I will be going on a total media blackout tomorrow. No tv, internet, or radio all day until I watch that game. Please, do not call me, text me or (if you see me) tell me anthing about the game.
Here's some highlights from the US team's qualifying run to get you pumped up for tomorrow's game. My favorite part is Oguchi Onyewu manhandling the Mexico players. Only someone on that team would be arrogant/stupid enough to get in the face of a guy who's 6'4'' 240lbs.

Mmmm Pie Pants....

I had to work today, so Julie made me a pie...

Good News

Sometimes the news really gets me down. I actually like listening to the news on the radio when I drive to and from work every day, but it can also be pretty sad. If you really think about the people involved in news stories (their emotions, and how their lives are changed) you get a different perspective than if you stay emotionally detached. I often think of that Jack Johnson song that says "why don't the newscasters cry when they read about people who die? At least they could be decent enough to put just a tear in their eye."
Well hear is a good story for a change, and it happens to be about someone I think is a really good person: Dave Righetti.

Finally gets whats coming to him

I can't tell you how long I have been waiting to see this. He got a good punch in too. The most interesting part of the video is when AJ says that they have been friends for a long time. Thats the most blatant lie I have ever heard! 2 things wrong with that statement:
1. AJ doesn't have many (or maybe any) friends.
2. Friends don't get punched in the face.




Thats what you get for mailing it in when you played for the Giants. Plus, it takes a lot to be so hated on that team that they get rid of you. He made Barry look like the model teammate.

I've watched this about 50 times, and it still makes me smile every time I see it. From now on, when I have a bad day, I will just come home and watch this over and over until I feel better.

The bison was right all along

I think this is a funny take on the "immigration debate."
I'm sorry that you will have to click on the link. I tried to get some code to embed the video here, but it was written wrong and I didn't know how to fix it.

Trust me, this video is well worth watching!

Just click the freaking link!
The bison was right all along

Dubya and Libya

If I lost a loved-one on in this tragedy, I would be renouncing my citizenship right now and moving to Canada. I feel so sorry for the people who's worlds were torn apart and now have to deal with this.

Let me set the scene for you as I see it. There is this country with a dictator who organized terrorists to bomb a plane and kill 259 people (many of them American, including 35 college students returning home to Syracuse University). He has harbored terrorist training camps, had the most devious and effective nuclear development program (until the UN paid him $$$ to stop), and is know to be cruel and torturous to his own people.
Based on our foreign policy of recent years, you might think we are planning to invade his country soon. Wrong. We are lifting our sanctions against them as fast as we can, and we are throwing ourselves headlong into becoming best buddies with them (planning to open an embassy there, renew diplomatic relations, increase trade for things like oil).
Trust me, the families of the Lockerbie victims are pissed. Wouldn't you be if you were in their shoes?

Sorry about the downer of a post, but for some reason this just stuck with me all day, and my heart really and truly goes out to all the people touched by this. In my mind, the fact that it happened 18 years ago doesn't make it any less important. All of us who have lost loved ones know that while we may get better at coping with time, we never stop loving and missing those we lose.

High Tide or Low Tide

This is just a great song, and I think this cover does it justice.
Please ignore the idiot who introduces the song (I don't even want to write his name)

Hanging out with my own kind

Sorry I've been such a bad little blogger lately. I have been working really hard (68 hours this week, including 16 yesterday.

One of the fun things about working on the farm is that I see lots of wildlife on a daily basis. There are tons of really neat birds on the ponds around the land that we farm. I check in daily to see how all the little ducklings are doing as they paddle awkwardly behind their mom. I also see squirrels, gophers (the dead ones I trap), jackrabbits, cotton-tail rabbits, skunks, mice and coyotes on a daily basis.
But today I saw something I have never seen before....
I think this is a pretty good picture considering I took it with my camera phone (the screen of which I cannot see in the sun), from about 10 feet up on the top of a water truck tank.

So let me set that stage. I was putting water into a water truck, and I caught something moving out of the corner of my eye. At first I thought it was a squirrel, but as it got closer it looked more like a weasel. I didn't think there were any weasels in the area, and its color was different than any weasel I'd ever seen. I got a great look at it as it came closer. It seemed to be as curious about me as I was about it. It would come out from behind a rock, look at me, then dart behind another rock a little closer to me. Eventually, it was within arms length of me, but he was too quick to let me get a picture of him at close range. Once he got close enough to see what I was all about, he quickly became bored and moved on (I guess women and weasels have a lot in common).
After some internet research, I am certain that it was a long-tailed weasel, which is "native" (not native in the sense that it has always been there, but in the sense that it was introduced a really long time ago and is now a part of the ecosystem without causing too many problems) to most of north america.

I guess they kill lots of small burrowing rodents which is good for us. So I say to my new rodent friend, "Kill on, weasel! Kill on!"

THE SCHRUTE SHALL SET YOU FREE!

So anyhoo... I am a big fan on The Office (the US version, people. the Uk version is so 2002). If you too are a fan, you should check out Dwight's blogs. They are hilarious.
OR... go to his freaking hilarious myspace page!

Another Simpsons Theme

First of all, I know next to nothing about playing the guitar. That said, I believe this is may be the one single instance in the history of humankind where the greatest amount of talent and energy was put toward the most trivial thing.

Rejection

The unhealthy things that single people do to each other...
... are pretty funny.

Not Exactly Seattle Slough

News Flash: I have to admit that I don't know this first-hand. Supposedly, Richie Sexson tried to steal a base for Seattle last night against one of the best catchers in the league, Ivan Rodriguez. This would be funny to see, since Richie Sexson is 6'8"/240lbs and slower than slow. Apparently he was thrown out very easily. Now usually a team would be mad at a player for doing such a stupid thing, but this time they were impressed by his dedication. You see, he was accidently given the steal sign by the coach, and so he tried to steal even though he knew he had no chance.

Anyone who can find me video of this incident will earn my eternal respect and admiration!

Tu Mama

I was just thinking that tv couldn't possibly get any worse. oops...

If you haven't seen this new MTV show called "Yo Momma!"(sic?) you are lucky. It is seriously worse than anything I could imagine. This has to be one of the most embarrassing things our society has ever experienced.
Now, in college, I used to sarcastically tell "your momma" jokes to my friend Jimmie. I was trying to be ironic, though. These guys are totally serious. Everyone on this show qualify for the most pathetic people on the planet, but the everyone who is responsible for making this show should be prohibited from procreation.

My favorite Yo Mamma joke:
"Yo mamma (is) so fat, when she cuts her leg shaving she bleeds gravy."

Please note in my comments if you would like to pledge with me to boycott this show.

You're Beautiful

I visited my brother in Fresno last weekend. He has this huge big-screen HDTV. The picture clarity is nuts! Anyway, we were watching James Blunt live on one of the high def channels. It was startling. Take away his hair, and he looks exactly like my friend Jimmie. I wish I had a good picture of each so you could see for youself, but you will have to trust me.

Home Alone!

In case you haven't heard, Julie is in Colorado for a few days on business. Unless she is having a secret affair with Jay. I don't really think that, just wanted to give his blog a plug since he's done so for me. I do have to say that very few women can resist the jay.

As for me... I just put on aftershave and it really burns. Aaaahhhhh!

More Run-ins with the Criminal Element

Well, well, well. Bravo to the wonderful job you stupid would-be theives did on my car. Of course I call you "would-be" because you couldn't even get the job done. I wish you had stolen my car. If I had gotten home today and it was gone, I would have had a nice down payment on a new Toyota Tundra. Instead I am left with a bill to repair all the things you broke in your pathetic attempts at robbing me.

First, let me compliment the nice job you did putting an antenna in the crack of my passenger door. You really did a number on some chrome strips and totally destroyed my weatherstripping. Too bad you were still about 2 feet short of reaching the lock. That doesn't even qualify as close.

Second, nice handywork on drilling out my doorlock. You wasted your time though. That lock has been broken for years. You could always put any old thing in there and turn it to make the door unlock. If you had tried that first you would have saved yourselves alot of trouble. It is also really easy to simply pop the lock on those cars with a scewdriver. Much less effort than drilling.

The same goes for my ignition. I really appreciated the handiwork involved in separating the housing around my steering/ignition. That too has been broken for years and anything remotely resembling a key can be turned to start the car. So why didn't you take it?

Oh, how funny. After all that painstaking labor, my battery was dead so it wouldn't start! I'm so sorry. You should really bring along jumper cables the next time you decide you have the right to take something that doesn't belong to you. Its not even your greed that angers me, it is your stupidity. That car has been easily broken into many times by good, hard-working, intelligent thieves. Thats right... Those Fresno theives could really teach you a thing or two.

Bad Boys, Bad Boys

Ok, so I am reprinting an article from the Bakersfield Californian Newspaper website without permission because they have one of those stupid subscription services and you wouldn't be able to access it if I hyperlinked.

Deputies seize 29 pounds of marijuana after pursuit arrest
By The Bakersfield Californian | Tuesday, Apr 11 2006 2:06 PM

Last Updated: Tuesday, Apr 11 2006 2:06 PM

A 25-year-old Bakersfield man was arrested Tuesday morning in an almond orchard after a short pursuit when officers found more than $140,000 worth of marijuana and hash oil in his vehicle, Kern County sheriff’s deputies reported.

Investigators from the sheriff’s Major Violators Unit and deputies from the Rosedale Substation attempted to stop Stephen Stilwell in the area of Stockdale Highway and Superior Road which is east of Enos Lane, deputies said.

But he raced north on Superior Road to the orchard near Brimhall Road, deputies said. Deputies arrested Stilwell at about 7:30 a.m. after he ran away from his car in which he left 29 pounds of marijuana valued at $116,000, three pounds of what is believed to be liquid hash oil valued at $24,000, and one kilo of kief (marijuana being converted to hashish that in this process has no value), officers said.

Also in the car was a loaded 12-gauge shotgun, deputies said.

Stilwell was booked into the Kern County jail on charges of felon in possession of a firearm, manufacturing hashish, possession of marijuana for sale and evading, deputies said.


How does this pertain to me? Well... I was driving in from a field this morning when I noticed a strange person in a gray SUV pull into an almond orchard that happens to be down the street from where Julie's parents live. As I came around the corner, I saw some squad cars with their lights flashing patrolling the area. It was clear they were looking for someone.
I stopped when I got to a white SUV where a guy about my age and build was putting on body armor and getting out an automatic rifle. Explaining that I was a neighbor, I asked if they were looking for someone, and told them about the gray SUV that clearly doesn't normally belong there. The deputy with the big gun told me the SUV was one of their undercover agents and asked if I had seen anyone on foot. I hadn't. He said it would be in my best interest to stay out of the area for a while.
I proceeded down the street to check on my mother-in-law who I suspected might be home alone (like any good son-in-law would). Finding her not at gunpoint, I told her what happened and went back to my work. I figured that the house was well beyond the walking distance of even the fastest criminals (there are also at least a 1/2 dozen other houses between the orchard and their house). Plus, I have full confidence in my mother-in-law to defend herself. Seriously! Any criminal who sees her as a potential victim is an idiot and totally deserves the merciless beating he would surely recieve. I also made sure the doors were tightly locked when I left the house.
Nothing else really happened, but it brought a little excitemtent to my day.

Nintendo

Feeling a little nastalgic. I found a site where you can play every Nintendo game ever made on your computer for free.
You do have to have Java for it to work properly. On my computer, the games are playable, but run a little slow. Hopefully, some of you will have better luck.

ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!

Wrath of God

I already knew God hated SUVs, but now there's proof. He just caused the ground to open up and swallow one!

Reporting the Obvious

I don't know how long this link will work, but this has to be the dumbest reporting ever. I don't know if they will change the title of the article, but right now it reads, "Valley in middle of a rainstorm." Talk about the media being irrelevant. Anyone who has been out of the indoors for 30 seconds in the last 36 hours could tell you that.

Here are some more possible topics for future Fresno Bee articles:
"The Sky is Blue"
"Some people are men, others women"
"Dodgers fans are mentally deficient" (That one is obvious to me anyway)
"People asking to be paid for work"
"Wife mad at cheating husband"

MCC Sale

Anyone going to the MCC sale?

When Breaking News Happens...

You heard it here first folks! Yesterday I posted a link to a live action version of the Simpsons intro. Today I find out that the Simpsons will be actually using this as their intro on their new episode this week (Sunday 8pm EST/PST).

Talk about Smack!

I just found this video that I have been dying to have a link to. I am always trying to explain to people how Jim Rome got famous. If you don't know, it was of course the Rome vs. Chris...err.. Jim Everett incident, and now I have a link on my blog so that everyone who didn't know can see the video for themselves.

The Simpsons

Anyone who likes Simpsons as much as me will enjoy this. Someone shot the intro frame-for-frame in real life with real places/sets and actors. This must have taken a lot of work and is a fitting tribute to a great show.

More cat nonsense

Here's one of the most hilarious animal videos I've ever seen: Cat Jump. I don't know why its so funny, but I can watch this over and over and laugh every time.

MEOW!

I was playing this game online 'cause I love to make my wife mad, and I knew that if this didn't do it nothing would. The thing is, our cat totally understood what I was doing. He woke up from his nap and was staring at me with the most frightened and disturbed look. Now he is giving me a look like I am a killer and won't let me touch him.

Here's another good one. My best shot was 710 ft. Anyone do better?

Food for the Soul

Giada De Laurentiis



I love her show Everyday Italian on the Food Network simply because it has great recipes and for no other reason. I also like (actually love) the recipes in her cookbook of the same name. I believe cookbooks should have lots of pictures and this one doesn't let me down, except that she isn't in enough of them.
Well, anyway, she has a new cookbook coming out next month, and will be doing booksignings to promote it. She will be in various locales in the Bay Area or LA area on different days between 4/29 and 5/9. I don't know if my wife would want to go, so anyone interested in taking a roadtrip with me?

Back and Better Than Ever

YES! My blog is finally back up. Blogger has been having problems, and I haven't been able to access my blog for about 3 days. I hope these problems are over and we can get back to normal. So if you have been getting "error" or "forbidden" messages when you try to access my blog it seems to be better now, but that may not be permenant.

Don't count your chickens before they are hatched: I just went to my blog and found the formating all messed up. They must be working still.
Please stick with me. I'm sure they will get it fixed soon. If not, I will move my blog to another service and will let all of my readers know where to find me.

March Madness?

I've only seen about 10 total minutes of the tournament so far this year. Last year I took the week off, and watched all the coverage CBS could dish out. The little bit I did see made me not want to watch at all. I thought Winthrop totally got robbed today with that phantom foul call. How can a guy who is standing perfectly still with his hands straight up in the air commit a foul? He wasn't even moving. Doesn't he have a right to the space he occupies as long as it is not directly under the basket? I guess if your a 15 seed, you don't have a right to much of anything except getting bounced in the 1st round by the refs.
Big thumbs down...
-to the refs in that game.
-to me for not blogging enough this week
-to That 70's Show not ending last year

Big thumbs up...
-to Savemart for the beautiful cut of beef I purchased and BBQed tonight
-to Craig Kilborn for being such a funny SOB. Where is that guy? I would pay money to see more of him. I enjoyed him on Sportscenter, the daily show and finally his latenight show. Too bad that didn't work out. The only thing I've seen him in since then is OLD SCHOOL (aka the funniest movie ever), and he was hilarous. Actually, I also saw the Sportscenter he returned to do, but Dan Patrick barely let him get a word in edgewise. That makes me think... Kilborn has this bit that he does where he plays this really straight, guys-guy, jerk very similar to his role in Old School (did I mention its funny?). I bet Dan Patrick is the inspiration for that bit.
-my soft bed. I am going to it now. My alarm is set for 4:45 am. Talk about March Madness!

Huh?

I was going to make some mean jokes about the name of this farm, but I felt too bad. Lets just say, if you are going to start a business, take some time to think about ALL the ways a name can be taken. That goes for naming children too.
Oh, I can't resist.
"I don't know what they grow, but I bet it gets tall fast."

Think my joke is lame? Comment and tell me a better one.

Light it up

It rain fairly steadily in bakersfield all day yesterday. As I was driving around town with my windshield wipers on their highest setting, I barely noticed a few things that almost looked like cars--it was hard to tell through all the rain. They couldn't have been cars, though, since they didn't have any lights on. You see, California law stipulates that one must use headlights during any sustained rainfall or visibility less than 1,000 feet. Don't believe me? Check it out for yourself (very bottom of the page). Oh, and for those of you who think your parking light (those little orange ones) count, they don't.
I am not a fan of daytime running lights, but I think this is a good law. It is so much easier to see someone in a storm if they have their lights on. Plus, when the roads are wet, you need extra time to react and seeing someone a spit second earlier could make a huge difference. Too bad it will never be enforced. No cops want to spend a rainy day getting out of their cosy squad cars to write $96 tickets.

She drives real fast and she drives real hard

In working for the farm, I often do a lot of driving. I would have to say that this is by far the most stressful and frustrating part of my job. The roadways in Bakersfield are downright dangerous. The combination of poor urban planning, explosive population growth, the popularity of SUVs and inconsistently enforced traffic laws has led to what I believe is one of the most dangerous areas to drive in the country. I am seriously scared to be on the road much of the time!
I could go on and on about how stupid people are and how hypocritical our traffic laws have become, but I won't (ok, maybe I will later). Instead here is what I think is a great idea: go to http://www.campusmoviefest.com/movies.html and click on "A Meditation on the Speed Limit". Big props to these guys/girls. This is the kind of out-of-the-box thinking that our country needs from the younger generations. I don't know how happy their parents are about them risking their lives though.

Camping Trips

This summer, Julie and I went camping. Julie is the best girl camper ever. She loves it. Plus hot dogs and smores are 2 of her favorite foods. Needless to say, we had a great time and can't wait to do it again. We are planning to go some time this year with my brother if his back ever heals. We are also thinking of planning some 3 day weekend type trips. Does anyone out there have a great place they like to go that we might enjoy? Any suggestions or recommendations would be much appreciated.

Here are some pictures from out trip to Crater Lake in Oregon...
CRATER LAKE

Let me just say that this lake is freaking huge, and scary to look at. The edge of the lake is a sheer cliff ALL THE WAY AROUND. If you are afraid of heights (I am), this can be tough to deal with, but it is worth it. You can't understand how huge this is until you experience it in person. I have never felt so small in my life as I did the day I stood at the edge of this lake. It is a totally humbling experience, and I will always carry it with me as part of how I see myself in relation to the world around me.

ME


JULIE

No Body Know the Troubles I've Seen...

It looks like I will spend most of the spring sick again this year. Last year I got very sick in the end of January, and was sick until about mid April. This year I got a bad cold about 3 weeks ago. Took a course of antibiotics, felt terrible for 2 weeks, got better for about a week. Now I have terrible ear pain and sore throat. One of my tonsils is swollen to about the size of Mini cooper. Looks like I will be spending another morning in the doctors office.
I top it all off, I can't sleep at 1 AM and I am typing a post right next to my sleeping wife. She is super pissed right now. Must go make amends.

The Weekend in Pictures

This is such a great place! I dropped $50 here without even trying. Ouch.

Julie talked me into going to what she calls CPK this weekend. As expected, I didn't like it very much, but she loves that place.

Here's a pic of Julie driving me around (or crazy). Here's how our conversation went:
ME: Hey Jules, its cloudy. Whats with the Sunglasses? Who do you think you are, Bono, or something?
HER: You wish! (implying I am secretly in love with Bono)

Darn her quick wit! I wish I married someone stupider than me.


This is Julie on her horse, Sweetie. This horse can be pretty ornery and mischievous. Actually, I shouldn't say that. She can be very sweet, and she is almost always a perfect angel when I want to work her or ride her. She occasionally does some things to make Julie mad, but I can understand that.

Julie looks really good riding her, and today was a beautiful day for a ride. All of the almond trees are blooming.
I guess spring has sprung.

On a side note, I am currently listening to Your Gonna Need Somebody on Your Bond by Taj Mahal
I got his CD Giant Step/De Ole Folks at Home this weekend and am loving it. I was debating whether to get a collection of his hits or buy his old albums. Well, I went the album route and I'm not regretting it yet. I may have to get another soon.

Pathetic & Trivial Friday Post

I don't know if I've said this before, but I have a serious problem. Not that one. Not that one either... Just let me finish! I try to avoid listening to music on the radio, but on occasion I have run across the song Here Without You by 3 Doors Down. I think this song should totally be a twangy country song. When you hear it, you can totally imagine some guy singing it in a whiny country music falsetto. Sometimes, if I am in the car with Julie, I practice singing it in my best country singer voice.

Stay tuned. I am going to try to take some pictures of my weekend adventures to share with y'all, so there's something to look forward to.

If your interested, I am currently listening to I Stood on the Banks of the Jordan by Reverend James Cleveland. I bet you didn't know that I am into old gospel and Spirituals. It has a gritty/worldly, yet hopefull feel that really appeals to me(I like bluegrass for the same reason). It doesn't deny the difficulties in the world. It stares them strait in the face and says, "Bring it on." I would love to get some vinyl of some old spirituals some day.

To let it go... and so to find a way

Well, I'm in a really bad mood today. I wouldn't say its for no reason, just for lots of little reasons. I actually have been a little cantankerous and irritable all week, but today it started to come to the surface like a painful blemish. This got me thinking about the different things people do to unwind, decompress, de-stress, etc. Since I have moved to Bakersfield, I have been having trouble developing new habits to get over a hard day. I had more ways than I think I needed in Fresno. My favorite... I would call my good friend Adam and we would go have a pint in a quiet bar somewhere in tower where the world could never find me. But, alas, the Tower District is 2 hours and about 30 bucks in gas away from me right now, and my good friend is most likely carousing with at least two beautiful women right now...
But back to my subject of what people do to unwind. Here are some things that have been working for me lately:
-Play FIFA on my playstation
-Listen to music
On this subject, check out I Love the Rain the Most by Joe Purdy
or for something completely differnt, I have been enjoying Arctic Monkey recently, but I know most won't like this.
-Drink Beer and eat Salty snacks (I never fails... to give you a hangover)
-Watch DVDs of the Simpsons. Watching this show to decompress after a long day has been a tradition for me since college. Unfortunately, the local station stopped playing an hour of Simpsons reruns in the evening. Now I only have my DVDs to console me. Anyone who wants to buy me season 7 I welcome to do so. I might send my wife out to get it right now though!

Things I don't do:
-Drive (if I can avoid it)
-Talk to people who annoy me. This runs the risk of sending me over the edge and unleashing a tirade that even the most annoying person in the world doesn't deserve.
-Discuss sensitive issues with my wife.

Well, I don't really know where I was going with this. I'm sure I'll look back and think about how poorly written this post is, but I won't delete. I couldn't take the backlash that I would get from my readers.

Evil Genius or Just Evil? You Decide!

Well, well, well... My last post generated quite a bit of wild speculation about why I want a huge fish tank. Clearly some of you see me as a mad scientist (not too far off). Ok, I'll tell you what it is for, with the caveat that anything I publish here is proprietary intellectual material. For those of you who are idiots, that means you can't steal my ideas.
As many of you know, I have become interested in bass fishing of late. I recently found out that small bass (about 6-8 inches) keep very well in a fish tank. I have even found websites of some scientists and college profs who have kept them. In case you still want to steal my ideas (even after that strongly-worded warning), I'm not linking to these sites. If you want to steal my idea, you will have to do your own work.
So here is my idea: I am interested in making a Skinner box . But instead of using a rat or other land animal, I will be using a largemouth bass. This will allow me to do operant conditioning experiments and gather data to better understand the cognition of bass and other fish. Specifically, I am interested in learning how quickly bass fish learn and modify behaviors.

Now its time for the test portion of my post (don't worry! there's only one question)
The end result of my experiments will be:

a)I will never get laid again (luckily I hid my extremely nerdy qualities until after marriage. Or did I?)

b)I will become the greatest bass fisherman the world has ever known (I may already be that, though.)

c)I will get tired and watch Star Trek (I don't like the show, but all this is making me think I might like it soon)

d)All of the above

Please feel free comment and tell my what a loser I am or join my losery ranks and give me ideas for my experiments.

Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Igor, would you mind telling me whose brain I did put in?
Igor: And you won't be angry?
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: I will NOT be angry.
Igor: Abby someone.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Abby someone. Abby who?
Igor: Abby Normal.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Abby Normal?
Igor: I'm almost sure that was the name.
Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: Are you saying that I put an abnormal brain into a seven and a half foot long, fifty-four inch wide GORILLA? IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE TELLING ME?

Wanted...

Does anyone out there have an old aquarium that is over 50 gallons, in decent condition, and that they would be willing to sell me for a reasonable price? I am in the market for a large fish tank (preferably at least 48" long, but less might be ok), and retail prices on them are outrageous!

This is for a personal science project that I am interested in doing, so your efforts would go to the worthy cause of advancing human civilization.

Ideas for Rent

Unfortunately for you, my wife found out about my ideas concerning leadership. So, instead of giving my ideas out to the world for free, she wants me to develop a seminar that people will have to pay for. If you know her, I'm sure you can picture her saying this. This is the girl who used to rent her Barbie stuff to other kids instead of sharing!

Just so you know what I'm thinking about, I will give you an illustration. Imagine your friends invite you to play a new game with them. They take you out to where you are going to play, and they explain all the rules and strategies to you. When they are confident you understand, you all begin to play together. Almost as soon as the game starts, you start to notice that people seem to be doing things you thought were against the rules. Then, they start penalizing you for infractions that you thought were totally legal. Next, your team is getting frustrated with you, even though you are trying to do exactly the strategy they described to you before you started.
How would you feel in this situation? Confused and frustrated. And rightly so! If there were other rules that superceded the ones they described at the beginning, why didn't they just tell you about them before hand? Are they just changing the rules as they go along in order to cheat, or because they don't understand the rules very well themselves? And why is your team so mad? Aren't you just doing what they told you to do? If they had wanted you to do something else, all they had to do was tell you.
Sadly, I've noticed that many of my friends and relatives are felling this exact way in their lives. Be it at work, church, school, other groups, or even at home, many people feel confused and disoriented because the "rules" of the group seem to be always changing. This is a direct result of poor leadership. One of the bedrocks of good leadership is consistency, and that seems to be a trait severely lacking in many leaders today. There are many reasons for this lack of consistency, many possible solutions, and many good reasons to be more consistent.
Imagine yourself as the leader in any group situation you want. For some this might be hard, for others it will be very easy. Until you've led, you can't grasp how hard a task it actually is. What if I told you (remember, your a leader right now) I could make your group:
-achieve its goals faster with less work
-save more money
-improve interactions and relationships with other groups
-improve member morale, satisfaction, and retention
all while reducing the work load on you (the leader)?
Doesn't that sound good?

A Leaf in the Wind

It has come to my attention that there really is a leadership crisis in America today. I'm not talking about what is going on in the nation's capitol. I'm talking about the kind of leadership that we all experience daily in our homes, civic organizations, religious groups and, yes, our jobs too! I am interested in exploring the idea of consistency in leadership over my next few posts, and I hope that you will bear with me while I stuggle to awkwardly articulate my thoughts on the subject.
Never fear, I will soon get this out of my system and go back to writing about the stupid things I say to get in trouble with Julie and the things that I am breaking at work.
If it gets too intense, I may simply abort this effort. In which case, you will just have to have a conversation with me sometime to get the rest of my thoughts.

Stuff you need to know to live

Tonight, I feel I should enlighten my readers with some odd news to which they might not otherwise be exposed. 3 links, and then I go to bread... I mean bed. (If you can name the simpsons episode this comes from, I will give you 5 bucks.)

Some people are such stupid idiots. I would have sent her to jail and sued her. I wouldn't have asked for money. I would have asked to damages to be paid in her having to put signs up on her house that say she is a stupid idiot.

I always thought those guys were TOO well dressed. Check it out.

I've heard of some crazy fights at churches, but this takes it to another level.

Dodger Symbolism from a Giants fan

Found an old, but very cool video of a crane accident. This crane was called Big Blue and was one of the biggest cranes in the world at the time. It was an icon of the industry, and many people knew about and even admired it (you might say they looked up to it. HA HA). Well, they were using it to put the roof on a baseball staduim, Miller Park, in 1999. They were doing one of the largest lifts ever (the section you see lifted is 3/8 of an acre and 100's of tons of steal), and the 4 guys who drive it were in too much of a hurry to take wind readings. The rest you can see for yourself.
Sadly, 3 concrete workers were in the stadium at the time and lost their lives. There is a statue honoring them outside of the ballpark now.

Watching this big blue machine go down hard at a ballpark makes me think of how hard the fall will be on the dodgers this season. They're gonna get hurt so bad they will have to change their colors to black and blue.

"Teamwork"

When I saw this commercial on the Super Bowl, I immediately thought of my wife. I later showed it to her online. She absolutely loves it. I'm not trying to say that she feels this way at work... oh wait, yes I am. Anyway click on the link and hit the play botton for the commercial "Window" if you want to check it out.

I can't get no respect!

Here are some movies that I feel don't get the credit they deserve:
-The Truman Show
Just a great, great movie. I don't know what else to say but that. Everything about it is top class (screenplay, cinematography, acting, etc). I think some people don't give it the respect it deserves because Jim Carrey is in the lead role, but I think it deserves a second look.

-Gladiator
What happened to this movie. One day, it was the greatest epic made in this generation. The next, no one even remembers it. One day, Russel Crowe was winning the Oscar for it. The next day, people don't even mention it when they list the movies he's in. Sure, he's done some other good ones, but when people mention Master and Commander instead of Gladiator that is a problem for me. I could pull this movie out on any day of the week, and have a great time watching it. Which is a lot to say for me. I am a moody guy, and usually I need to really get in the mood to rewatch a film I own.

-Mr Smith Goes to Washington
People who have never heard of this movie should go out and rent it right now! Even if you don't like it. It is short, and Capra is at his prophetic best. I will just tell you that I understand this film has some shortcomings, but it is one of my favorite pre WWII films. This film is also a must watch for anyone who want to talk politics or anyone who wants to act like an "intellectual snob" (i use this term to refer to people who are snobby about what they know. I know this one applies to many of my readers. Especially Ed, no offense. I'm not implying in this term that all intellectuals are snobby. I actually find the uneducated to be more agressively exclusivist than the intelligencia as a whole).

-Punchdrunk Love
Many of the people with whom I saw this film did not like it at all. I am fine with that, but I disagree. I felt that the film accurately portrayed that life of some very psychologically troubled people with whom I could on some level identify. I warn all readers that this movie is no happy-go -lucky film. It has some very difficult scenes in which the viewers is meant to feel uncomfortable, because that is how the characters are feeling. In the end, though, there is a sense that there is hope for redemption, even if it comes in a very flawed and imperfect form.

-Memento
What happened to this movie? Everyone was talking about how crazy and amazing it was, and then they all got over it. This is one movie that I don't own that I wish I did. It also was what really gave Christopher Nolan some serious Hollywood clout. As a side note, I had always been curious about the short-term memory loss thing, and I recently found out that it can really work just like it does on this movie.

-50 First Dates
Speaking of short-term memory loss. This is a great movie to watch with girls who don't like serious movies. You all know the type. My wife is generally one. You know, you want to sit down to a video on friday night, but you don't want to have to explain the plot the whole time or have her get mad at the end because it was too scary, violent or whatever. All I'm saying is, its never failed for me. Just trying to help you guys out.

Well, I have a few more, but this will have to do for now. Maybe if I get a response I can add to my list, or we can just argue about it in the comments.

A quarter of a century!

If you know this girl, call and wish her Happy Birthday! I won't tell you how old she is, but I will tell you that she was born in 1981.
Julie, I love you!

Other famous people who share her birthdate (2/7): Charles Dickens, Sinclair Lewis, Chris Rock, NBA guard Steve Nash.

OVER-RATED (chant)

I been spending some quality time with a tractor lately, and it has left me with plenty of time to think. I know the Oscar nominations came out this week, but I hardly know what was nominated because the news is only reporting on a certain movie I'm so sick of hearing about that I won't even mention the title. Although, I will say that I can't believe how ironic and euphemistic the title is! Its not like I really care about gay issues either way, I just hate how the media tries to find any scrap of sensational news and then report on only that for as long as they can make the story last. Is anyone actually doing real journalism anymore?
Ayway, in honor of Oscar nominations I have been thinking about movies lately and decided to release a series of my own movie lists. I will get it kicked off (in my typically critical fasion) with 9 movies I think are totally overrated. Why not 10? The number 10 seems so trite, doesn't it? Plus, I only thought of 9.

9 Overrated Movies (in no order of importance)

- Metallica: Some Kind of Monster
In case you missed this one, it is a documentary about how this hard rock band got therapy and worked out all their issues so that they could stay together as a band. The thing is, when I watched it I realized that they are still totally screwed up after all the therapy. Nothing really changes. One guy gets sober, and another falls off the wagon. That pattern pretty much repeats over and over. Lots of critics gave this movie positive reviews, but I don't really see what is great about it. These guys just wanted to film their lives so that they could sell a product they didn't have to work to make to their already loyal fanbase. Lame money-grab. Nothing more.

- Top Gun
I don't really hate this movie, just think it gets more love than it should. Anyone who is a fan of the Sports Guy knows of all his references to the latent homo-eroticism in this one. I'm so glad he had the courage to say what everyone else was thinking, that beach volleyball scene has to be the gayest thing in the history of all cinema. Way more gay than Brokeback, more flaming than Robin Williams in the Birdcage. I'm not gay bashing here, I'm just saying that the people in that scene are claiming to be straight, but aren't acting like it. That may be how guys play volleyball at Immanuel High School, but at my high school guys were into chicks! I do have to say that Tim Robbins is so funny and goofy in this movie, and laughing at the few scenes he is in saves the film in my book.

- The Sixth Sense
"I see dead people!" All I have to say about this one is this: if you didn't figure out that Bruce Willis was dead before the end of the movie when it is revealed, then you should seriously question your mental capacity.

- The Princes Bride
I actually like this one. I just think people give it more credit than it deserves as a children's movie. With all the violence, gore and hinted at sexual abuse, is this film really appropiate for children? I say sure, but our society seems to have decided that children should be sheltered from all form of this bad stuff. At the same time however, society seems to turn its back on some of the worste offenders, and I think this movie is a good example of the societal inconsistency.

- Field of Dreams
BORING! Someone decided they didn't know how to write drama, so they wrote a story with an intentionally intricate and dragging plotline, knowing that it would fool some people into thinking they were seeing something dramatic and emotional. Where some might see dramatic pauses, I see nothing happening and am unimpressed.

- Titanic
This was the first film that came to mind when I started thinking about the concept. As it turns out, just about everyone I asked mentioned this film as one of their choices for most overrated. I'm sick of hearing how romantic it is. If it is so romantic, than how come the pick-up line "hey, I don't have any money... want to go fornicate in the back of a car" never works? Huh?
I don't have a problem with the awards it won for costumes, sets of speciall effects. They built a freaking ship and sunk it. How cool is that? But that doesn't make it a great movie. I remember going to see this in high school with my girlfriend. It was me and 2 buddies (all with our girlfriends), and we all pissed the girls off royally with our behavior in the movie. I have to rate the unintentional comedy scale very high in this movie. In fact, even though the concept hadn't been put into words for me yet, I think this was one of the first times I recognised unintentional comedy.

- Any Steven Segal Movie
I don't think this needs much. The fact that anyone would pay to make a movie with him in it is more credit that he deserves. Thus, the overrated status.

- Unforgiven
Well, someone has to say it. Might as well be me. Clint Eastwood isn't tough! He lives in Carmel. How tough can someone from Carmel be? Talking like you smoke a carton a day doesn't make you tough, either. Plus, this movie was one of the most boring westerns I've ever seen.

- Its a Wonderful Life
I'm not saying this one isn't good. Just overrated. The amount of attention this movie gets is insane. It isn't even the best Christmas movie. It's not the best Jimmy Stewart movie either. I may not even be one of his best 5 performances. And, while it may be one of Capra's more balanced and personal films, it isn't very interesting subject matter when compared with his other work. I will give you a much more interesting Capra/Stewart film in a later post. How did this one even become a Christmas tradition? Why did it beat out other films like Holiday Inn, White Christmas, etc. to become the one that everyone is supposed to watch during the holidays?


Well, there they are. Feel free to let me know just how right or wrong I am.
P.S. "I see dead people."